Medical Gaslighting: The Truth

Last Updated on November 6, 2024 by Nell Marie

Medical gaslighting is real, even if people outside the chronic illness community don’t want to acknowledge it. When we talk about it, they often think we’re exaggerating or being dramatic.

But if they spent a single day in our shoes, they’d see how much gaslighting we face daily—not just from medical professionals, but also from friends, family, and even people online.

Recently, I did a quick poll on Threads. I asked people to heart the post if they’d experienced medical gaslighting, and in less than 24 hours, it had almost 1,500 hearts and 70 comments.

For a small account like mine, that’s huge. Imagine what those numbers would look like on a bigger account with a wider reach. But even with 1,500 responses, it shows how common this experience is.

Personally, I’ve felt it too.

I’ve had a nurse roll her eyes at me, an ER doctor brush off my symptoms as “just anxiety,” and another doctor dismiss my exhaustion as just part of being a tired mom of three.

To be fair, I’ve also had wonderful experiences with compassionate doctors and nurses, and I know many in healthcare work incredibly hard. But when we rely on medical professionals to help, heal, and sometimes even save us, we need most (if not all!) of our experiences to be positive, caring, and supportive—not dismissive.

I know healthcare workers are human and often overwhelmed, and I have a lot of empathy for them. But those of us dealing with chronic illness—any illness, really—have many stories of appointments that leave us questioning our own symptoms, feeling dismissed, and sometimes even in tears. That’s not okay.

The Realities of Gaslighting

Medical gaslighting isn’t just frustrating—it can actually be dangerous. When doctors or nurses dismiss our symptoms or tell us it’s “all in our heads,” it can delay diagnoses and prevent us from getting the treatment we need.

For people with chronic or complex conditions, every delay and every misdiagnosis can make things worse.

If someone’s symptoms keep being brushed off, they might end up with worsening health that could have been managed better, or even prevented, with earlier intervention.

It also makes patients less likely to seek help when they need it.

After enough eye rolls, “it’s just stress” comments, or moments when a doctor doesn’t listen, people start to question their own symptoms. They might think, “Maybe I’m just overreacting” or “Maybe it is just in my head.”

This hesitation to reach out for help can leave potentially serious issues untreated.

Plus, medical gaslighting has a huge mental toll.

When you’re repeatedly told that your symptoms aren’t real or worth addressing, it’s not only invalidating—it’s isolating.

Patients start feeling unheard, like they’re up against the healthcare system rather than being supported by it.

And that’s exhausting.

Medical care should help us feel safe, understood, and cared for—not like we have to defend our own experiences and symptoms.

Finding a Good Doctor

Finding a good doctor who listens and takes your concerns seriously can feel like a journey, but it’s worth the effort.

Here are some tips to help you find the right one:

1. Look for reviews and ask around: Check online reviews, but take them with a grain of salt since everyone’s experience is unique. If you have friends, family, or people in support groups who have a doctor they love, ask for their recommendations—sometimes word of mouth leads to the best providers.
2. Consider “interviewing” your doctor: At your first visit, pay attention to how the doctor interacts with you. Are they actually listening, or do they seem dismissive? Are they asking thoughtful questions and taking the time to explain things? Trust your gut—this initial impression can tell you a lot about how they’ll treat you over time.
3. Don’t be afraid to switch: If a doctor isn’t a good fit, it’s okay to keep looking. Your health is important, and you deserve someone who takes you seriously. There are good, compassionate doctors out there who will listen and genuinely want to help.

If you’ve experienced medical gaslighting, here’s what you can do to start reclaiming control over your healthcare:

1. Document your symptoms: Keep a journal with specific details about your symptoms, when they occur, and how they affect your life. If you have any new symptoms or flare-ups, write them down. This can be helpful in making sure your experience is clear and harder to dismiss.
2. Bring a support person: If possible, take someone you trust to appointments. They can advocate for you, help ask questions, and back you up if a doctor isn’t taking you seriously. Sometimes having another voice in the room can make all the difference.
3. Set boundaries: If you feel dismissed, try saying something like, “I don’t feel like my concerns are being heard.” This can be tough to do in the moment, but even calmly expressing how you feel might change the tone of the appointment.
4. Consider a second opinion: If something feels off, it’s okay to get another opinion. Some doctors specialize in complex or chronic conditions and might offer a fresh perspective. You deserve a provider who validates your experience and takes your concerns seriously.
5. Consider reporting the doctor:If you’ve been mistreated or gaslit by a doctor, consider reporting your experience. You can reach out to the hospital’s patient advocacy department or submit a formal complaint to the medical board in your state. Reporting not only helps you stand up for yourself, but it also highlights issues that could protect future patients. While it can feel daunting, sharing your experience can make a difference in how healthcare providers approach and respect their patients.

No one should feel alone in their healthcare journey. It’s okay to advocate for yourself, and it’s okay to keep searching until you find a doctor who’s truly there to help.

There is Hope

There’s definitely hope in finding the care you deserve—it can happen, even if it takes time to get there. I now have an ND who’s been incredible in my journey with chronic illness, really listening and working with me to understand my needs.

I’ve finally got a few other medical doctors on my team who genuinely care and take the time to listen. It wasn’t instant; it took a lot of trial and error, but it’s possible to build that team.

And beyond just finding the right doctors, having a supportive group around you makes a huge difference.

Surround yourself with people who lift you up, pray for you, stand with you, and even help advocate for you.

Those people will remind you of your strength and help you feel heard, even on the toughest days.

Keep going—you deserve that kind of care and support.

I recommend getting plugged into Instagram or TikTok’s chronic illness community.

And join a Facebook group or two!

(But, be careful to protect your peace when online. Sometimes it can be a toxic space, so be careful how much you dig into social media.)

I also recommend reading this book about medical gaslighting.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is a horrible experience no matter who it comes from, but it hits especially hard when it’s a doctor—someone who’s supposed to help—sitting there telling you you’re fine while you know something is seriously wrong inside.

I hope these words remind you that you’re not alone and give you a little encouragement to keep pushing for the care you deserve.

Don’t give up until you find a doctor who really listens and treats you with the respect you need.