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I miss the magic of Christmas through the eyes of

I miss the magic of Christmas through the eyes of a child. I miss saucer sized eyes as we drove through the city looking at houses dressed up for Christmas. I miss joyful little voices of the We Wish You A Merry Christmas song being sung by my babies. I miss sweet little school Christmas plays full of happy little faces and voices and awkwardly swaying to the songs they sung. I miss school Christmas parties in which parents filtered into tiny classrooms and little ones held parents hands and showed them around the room. I miss the magic of Christmas morning when tiny feet pitter pattered in at 7 in the morning so they could open their gifts from Santa. I miss horse drawn carriage rides at The Plaza, snow to play in, cookies left out for Santa, and all the Christmas movies from my childhood passed along to my boys. I miss packing into church, holding candles, shuffling restless kids, and listening to the story of Jesus. My kids are grown and mostly grown and there's still joy in Christmas, don't get me wrong, but there really is something extra special about the holidays with little ones. This year, we'll walk our neighborhood in the evening for our annual walking lights tour we've done since moving to Texas. (it's warm here usually and our neighborhood really does it up with the lights) I'll probably have to drag my sons and they'll probably complain a bit but I'm not ready to let this go yet. I might be able to talk my youngest into a Christmas movie and popcorn. Fingers crossed. I love my boys and there are some really sweet parts of having grown kids. The friendship I'm developing with them as they age is special. I just miss the magic of Christmas with the little dudes. I just got done buying some gifts for friends and listening to Christmas music and it got me a little nostalgic apparently. There's only 19 days until Christmas... so crazy! It always goes so fast. I hope this holiday season (whatever you celebrate) is a blessing to you and not too hard on you and your body and emotions. I know it's not always a good time for everyone. (and it's often hard on us spoonies) Much love to you all.

I've come to a place where I'm more willing to jus

I've come to a place where I'm more willing to just do what my body needs me to do and say eff the rest. It took me a long time to get to this point without feeling selfish or even gaslight myself into thinking I could push through and deny my body because it's "not that bad". Today, we hosted Thanksgiving. My in-laws came over and spent the day with us. About half way through the day, I put on a fresh ice hat and laid in bed and woke two hours later. Yes, a two hour nap in the middle of the holiday with my in-laws still here. I needed it. I was in so much pain. And, guess what? No one batted an eye. Why? Because I've taught them how to handle me and how I have to handle my body now. I'm not being rude. I'm not being ungrateful. I'm sick and I need different things than healthy people. People closest to me just know by now that this is how it has to be and I'm not using this as a copout to leave the room. Thankfully I woke up without pain. Major brain fog, like my brain was just NOT working, but the pain was gone so I rejoined the family and played a couple of games, ate some left overs, and talked a bit before they left. If you're sick, which most of you following me are, I hope you know that it's okay to rest, to cancel plans, to alter plans, to sneak off for a nap because you simply can't go on without one. If the roles were reversed and your loved ones were sick and needed special accommodations I guarantee you you'd have compassion and understanding for them. I venture to guess most of us have people in our lives that will understand. And if they don't, that is their issue not yours. So take that nap. Cancel that get together until you feel better. Wear that ice hat in family pictures. Decline playing a loud game because it'll overload your senses. It'll be okay. They'll be okay. You'll be okay. I pinky promise swear to you. To my fellow American's, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving whatever it looked like for you.

I'm hurting so bad you guys. This is the worst inf

I'm hurting so bad you guys. This is the worst infection I've had probably since I was a kid. The doctor moved me onto a stronger antibiotic. I've not experienced any relief yet. I am hoping this thing drains on its own and doesn't require cutting the ear drum. I am suspectable to ear infections but this is insane! I'm on an antibiotic, doing flonase to try and work on my sinuses so my ear can drain, on mucinex to help break up the congestion, and even rubbing essential oils behind my ear. I am using heat on the ear to try and encourage it to drain and nothing is working. :( I've only had two doses of doxycycline so I'm obviously giving it more time but man this is so painful. Hoping this heals up on it's own soon and doesn't require cutting the drum. Any suggestions that I haven't thought of to help this drain?

It just doesn't seem fair. How is it right that

It just doesn't seem fair. How is it right that someone with chronic illness has to deal with a virus on top of it that then turns into a sinus and ear infection so bad the doctor saw blood in my ear and now I'm on antibiotics and had a steroid shot? Anyone else just think it's a cruel joke from the universe? Boo! And on top of it, I'm already herxing from the antibiotic because, for those who don't know how it works, even though I'm on the antibiotic for my ears and sinuses, once it hits my system, it kills off whatever is in its path, which includes Lyme. And Lyme causes something called herxing when it's killed off. Basically, I feel worse from it. What I want to say is that my original chronic illness baseline sounds great right about now. But, how sad is that, really? My poor, crappy baseline sounds amazing now. I'm grateful that I have that to look forward to and I'm thankful I can find the silver lining in the dark cloud but I'm also disappointed that my body is sick, might always be sick, and I can't just wiggle my nose and heal my body from something so wicked as Lyme and co infections. It's been almost 17 years since the bite that ruined my body. I'm still fighting. And, I'll recover from this virus and infections soon. I will keep pushing for my health to improve as well. And I hope you will too. Don't ever give up!

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